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Love One Another
First Published: Reflections - Philippine Daily Inquirer Publication Date: 10th May 1992 Author's Name: Father Shay Cullen SSC None of us can live without love, a normal life that is. Most patients of mental hospitals are there because they sick from being unloved .. If you know what it is to be put down, rejected, betrayed and unloved this column is for you. How many times we believed we were loved only to be betrayed. The world is littered with the debris of broken homes because people didn't know how to love each other. Perhaps we had mistaken attraction for the real thing. How can we know the truth about what real love is? The Bible reading today (John 13:31 ff) is about love. It's worth a good read. It tells about the kind of love that brings responsibility and courage to a relationship that makes marriage lasting and faithful. Today in a world that is plagued by infidelity, dishonesty and violence it is time to renew our faith in what God says about love and allow it to change our lives. Young people are always intrigued about love. They constantly search books,magazines and watch films to learn what love is. It is a sad reflection on our modern world that they learn so little from the example of their parents and the community. That is because the movie industry has manipulated the meaning of love and twisted it to mean passion, possession, domination or slavery whichever takes their celluloid fancy. But it is of no help to a teenager who is driven out on to the streets into the company of gangs to escape the unloving atmosphere of the house. Many of the street children and drug dependent that have come to live at the PREDA center here in Olongapo fled their parents because they were deprived of love and made feel useless and of no value. Here they found acceptance and understanding, basic elements of love. They tell me that they grew up being told by their parents : " Wala kang Kwentang Anak, mabuti pang hindi ka na ipinangank " , ( You are a worthless brat, better if you had never been born). Sometimes the parents try to blame their children : " Dahil sa iyo marami tayong problema, Ikaw ang dahilan ng mga gulo sa pamilya nating " ( " You're the cause of all our problems, because of you we have a broken home" ) Nothing could be more damaging to a child except incest and sexual abuse. Such hurtful words destroy a child's self confidence, gives a bad self-image and he or she finds little to live and strive for as a result. The pain never leaves the heart, it constricts the mind, it paralyses initiative for action and reduces accomplishments. Forgiveness can help but pain persists. Many of us have spent a life time trying to overcome the negative effects of biting criticism and childhood insults. We could have been much more fulfilled and accomplished had we had more support. It is only with positive support, affirmation, praise, encouragement and a feeling of being truly loved that a child will thrive and grow healthy, intelligent, unselfish, loving and dedicated to helping others. Social concern for the poor comes from the unselfish examples of others. Parents that put-down and cruelly criticizes their own children have a loveless marriage. It would seem that such carping criticism is evidence of bearing an unwanted child. This is frequently the result of "shot-gun" marriages where young couples are forced to marry without loving each other. They are doomed by their parents and social pressures to a loveless life of drudgery and infidelity marked by constant argumentation and even violence. It all begins from a lack of understanding and knowledge about what love really is. Such couples carried away by what they think is "Love" but in reality is sexual attraction and desire end up with a pregnancy. In an society where abortion is rightly considered morally evil an intolerant family or society can force young people into a loveless marriage. This is a disaster and without free consent and mutual love there is no marriage before God. It is the children who suffer too. It is well known that a deprived child has real difficulty in loving others when he or she has not been loved at home. The home is the most powerful and lasting influence on the personality and character of a child. That is why parents have a major responsibility for the way their child turns out. Too often the child is blamed for character faults, poor learning ability, low grades which are the erroneous measures of success in todays unequal and artificial world. Parents must realize that their children are mirrors of themselves. The children will be loving if they are loved, they will be honest if they treated justly, they will be intelligent if they are affirmed in their self-worth. If children are treated as a treasure they will be citizens of great value when the mature. We have a lot to learn about loving one another.
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